You would imagine that, with all that has been said and written about appreciation, there would be an abundance of it around.

 

So: are you getting too much appreciation?

 

Do you find that you have to filter out emails with "Thank You" in the title? Are you so fed up of thank-you calls that you have told your assistant not to put through any more?

 

Funnily enough, your team are probably saying that, too.

Here's a short exercise, which you may do for real or in your imagination:

 

Choose someone you work with: a colleague, a supplier, an adviser. For this exercise, you don't have to be on the same team. Think of something specific they have done that you appreciate: perhaps they found an answer to a difficult question, or put in a lot of effort, or made a significant contribution to a recent meeting.

 

Can you pick up the phone and tell them that you appreciate what they did?

 

"Anne, I was just going through my emails and I noticed that ... Just wanted to say thanks; I particularly appreciate that ...."

 

Go ahead: do it now. And when finished hang up, please don't mix it with any other requests or business or feedback.

With some teams with whom I have worked, such a call is fundamentally impossible. The culture simply does not allow it. (Or so they say, which is a self-fulfilling prophesy).

 

More commonly, such a call (or email) is just a bit awkward. Perhaps we don't feel like it, particularly if Anne (in the above example) has not done something else well. Or we fear we will arouse suspicion e.g. "what's he looking for?" Or we are looking for sophisticated leadership-stuff, not simple measures like these. Or we might do the exercise easily in the imagination, but less easily for real.

On the other hand, when these obstacles are overcome, most professionals notice something quite immediate and often extraordinary: they feel good just by doing it. We will come back to Anne in a moment, but let's first explore what happened for you.

 

Even if we don't get much appreciation ourselves, this does not seem to diminish the "supply" we have available to give away to others. In fact, some people report that - with some practice - they act of appreciating other people is highly rewarding for the "giver". It's as if the more we give, the more the supply grows.

It might seem churlish to use the word "pitfalls" when we dealing with such a wholesome practice: but there are some very real pits here we might do well to steer clear of:

• the first of these is vague flattery or praise, (e.g. "you are wonderful") which always sounds insincere (and often is). The more specific the reason for appreciation, the better.
• some people are wary of appreciation, because it has been used in the past as a door-opener to ask for more, or a precursor to receiving some bad news. It is therefore vital that we develop the habit of doing simple appreciation, unmixed with negative messages. It is equally vital that we learn to use it in a way that diminish Anne.
• others use appreciation to draw attention to themselves. The act of appreciation is just a segue in the conversation or in the meeting; a not-so-subtle way to get hold of the microphone (again). Genuine appreciation on the other hand is about them, not us

According to all happy coaching and training legends, the effect of appreciation on Anne will be sudden and dramatic. She will glow with pride, work harder, gain respect for her leader and the team will live happily ever after.

 

Indeed all of this does occur … but not always. It also happens that some Annes will stare blankly, mutter something and leave us wondering why we bothered. Others will become embarrassed, causing us to question whether appreciation works with everyone. And a few will even become more demanding: looking for more recognition, more remuneration, and more attention as a result.

 

The first thing to remember is that all of these problems say more about the limits of human-beings than about the limits of appreciation. They would exhibit these characteristics whether we were appreciative or not. We did not cause these characteristics by being appreciative.

 

Appreciation is not the only tool we need in the leadership toolbox; we also need elements of structure for example. We may also need to be sensitive about how we use it: some people find appreciation harder to deal with than others. This is particularly true of appreciation in public: the bottle of champagne is not everyone's idea of recognition.

The problem with praise is that it is often used to draw attention to the person doing the praising. When John says to Anne "I think you have done a good job," this can be as much about John's need to reinforce his right to make a judgement as it can be about Anne's good job. And this is why many people find appreciation difficult - it comes across as flattery and/or as controlling paternalism.

 

If on the other hand, John says "I notice that you rewrote the report at least three times", his appreciation of Anne is really about her, not his opinion of her. This is the subtle - but vast - difference between praise and appreciation.

For most leaders, it's not just about being appreciative themselves, they want to foster an appreciative culture where everyone is wholeheartedly engaged. The benefits of this are enormous and tangible, including:

• cost-saving when key people are retained longer (not to mention the customer relationships that stay with them)
• higher performance in an all-round optimistic and supportive team-culture, where achievement is recognised
• removal of the forces that sabotage time and energy: e.g. playing politics, paranoia, isolation, dread, boredom, squabbling over rewards etc.
• a sense of being valued, that work is meaningful

Building an appreciative culture is one of the most lasting and positive contributions that a leader can make in any organisation: no matter how large or small that organisation may be. Here are a few practical tips that successful leaders have shared with us:

Turning back the word "appreciation" itself, it is no accident that we use it in two quite distinct ways:

• we talk about appreciation in the context of thankfulness, gratitude, recognition,
• and we talk about appreciation in the sense of capital-appreciation: i.e. growth, expansion, increase.

If you have done the exercise above with "Anne", chances are you will have seen both meanings. You set out to express thankfulness and recognition. The effect on Anne may well be that of growth. What was the effect on you?

Further information

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© John Niland, Success 121, May 2008. May be reproduced on condition that the "Further Information" section above is included.